Written by on October 19, 2017

My darlyns choosing the right spouse can be as trickish and difficult as imagined. This is because choosing a spouse is quite different from choosing a date, a boyfriend or a girlfriend for a relationship. Apparently, no one wants to recite the “I do” pledge and realize it has all been a mistake – you are expected to have realized it was a mistake before getting to that point. So technically, marriage my darlyns is like an advanced stage and a big deal. It is like a simultaneous equation; you are expected to understand the basics like multiplication, addition, division and subtraction before moving to the simultaneous equation. My darlyns this doesn’t mean that marriage is entirely difficult. Rather, Choosing a life time partner could be quite complex but when the right steps are taken with understanding, you would arrive at the correct answer it’s just like understanding and knowing what to do with the formula of simultaneous equation which would lead to a correct solution.
My darlyns, have you considered why you really want a spouse in the first place? Cliché but wanting the right thing at the wrong time can lead to a total disaster the same way wanting the wrong thing at the right time. So if you’re considering rushing into a marriage simply because you are lonely, intimidated, chances are that you would choose the wrong spouse. If the sole aim of searching for a spouse is because your parents are pressurizing you and because all your friends are getting married, you might out of desperation ignore warning signs and end up with the wrong partner.
More often than not, people only consider what they want in a spouse, they forget that they ought to begin from realizing certain things about themselves – they ought to know and understand themselves and perhaps search themselves to discover why they think they want or why they feel they are ready for choosing certain things, including choosing a spouse. These little things tend to affect decision making which results in wrong situations. For instance, if you do not want to spend the rest of your life with a smoker and you marry simply because of love and with the intention that he would change, if he becomes your spouse and he doesn’t change, it’s nobody’s fault but yours. Now this is not to imply that love is not necessary, it is just that sometimes when love alters, you need your friend and someone you are entirely comfortable with.
In choosing a spouse, if you are a believer, you talk to God … among other things. However, choosing your spouse involves setting your priority, like having a scale of preference. This is because, nobody would choose your spouse for you, and you would be the one to decide what you want in your spouse. It is a situation of setting realistic goals, understanding how to set boundaries, knowing how not to settle for less and at the same time understanding that there is no  such thing as perfection.
The importance of mutual understanding cannot be over emphasized; the effect of communication cannot be over stated and the importance of understanding and trusting the person who wants to be your spouse cannot be averted in a situation where choosing the right spouse is concerned. The reason why knowing, trusting and understanding is inevitable is because when the decisions are made before marriage, you will be the one to understand the kind of partner you have. Like, do you trust him enough to fulfill all that he has said or do you think he is the type to change his mind. In situations like this, there should be mutual understanding. Little things like the number of kids to have; ruin marriages. So before marriage or before choosing your spouse, decide if you will be ready to compromise on certain issues. Talk about the kind of career and let your intending spouse know certain things would not change so it will not lead to a case of betrayal later. Talk things like religion out even before marriage.
After all is said and done, you would be the one to decide who your spouse will be. Pray, seek to know,seek to understand, be patient, read books and articles to help and never forget to work on yourself.

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  1. Chidera   On   October 24, 2017 at 4:09 pm

    what should I do even after betrayal of trust by the supposed spouse? He actually cheated after several years of waiting,just few weeks to the wedding. What do u expect me to do?

  2. Lola   On   November 20, 2017 at 10:31 am

    Someone once told me choosing a spouse is like getting a wrapped gift… You can guess what’s in it but you can’t be sure till you open it and by that time, you’re married

  3. darasimi   On   November 20, 2017 at 2:56 pm

    It is definitely not possible knowing 100% of your spouse character, but you must be sure he is certainly not off limits when you finally know almost all about him.

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