My darlyns, to begin with, it’s rather hard to find someone that will share the same ideology and perspective with you. So automatically, you have to deal with someone that’s different from you, and you have to learn to enjoy it in order to make any relationship work. Valuing each other’s differences in marriage/relationship brings about peace, unity and unending love. It makes you both have the spirit to accommodate and understand each other. Andre Lorde said “it is not our differences that divide us, It is the inability to recognise, accept and celebrate those differences” However, Andre Lord doesn’t stereotype this to relationship between countries alone, but it’s rather feasible in marriages too.
I’ll give you a practical example: you like watching baseball while your partner prefers football, does this mean you’ll write them off? Or for instance, you like enough pepper in your noodles and your partner wouldn’t have any of it, will you end the marriage or scrap noodles? The thing about marriages is that it deals with compromises and sacrifices. Another example, imagine your wife doesn’t like a particular type of toothpaste you use, that’s not a big deal, allow her get the toothpaste she is cool with. This shows understanding and not division according to popular opinion. Little things like this could erupt silly fights if you both don’t manage it well.
Your partner had a different upbringing and exposure. Yes, you both are in love and passionately into each other but that doesn’t imply that both of you will have the same hobbies, interests, characteristics and views; with time you will begin to notice the unavoidable differences between the both of you. If you really want your marriage/relationship to stand you just have to deal with it by staying in love and accepting the differences involved. You can choose to walk away to find another partner, who would still have his/her differences because he/she is human. The whole point is to just stick to your marriage/relationship and learn how to live and respect your partner’s differences in harmony. After all, you chose them. So if you had chosen them knowing these differences, then you should be able to deal with it.
If the situation is bad, like certain behaviours that could be detrimental, all you can do is criticize constructively and not nag. You pinpoint the particular action you find wrong without insulting them. Like, “you don’t always remember to close the kitchen door at night”. I mean darlyns, that’s another importance of communication. You sit your partner down and explain why they have to change because it’s harmful – they’ll listen.
The only way to enjoy each other’s differences is by valuing the uniqueness in one another, growing and learning from it. Some differences are quite beneficial and healthy. Finally, always focus on your similarities, it strengthens and gives you a reason to understand that your differences doesn’t make either of you wrong; rather it makes you, you.