Right Orientation

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Love is important, it is beautiful and it is powerful but is love the only emotion that keeps marriages? Hmmm, my darlyns, the truth is that at some point in the marriage, the love would fade, perhaps not entirely but it would fade, everything would become normal and you would almost go about everyday like you are acting a script. You see, most people tend to equate passionate love as the ultimate kind of love needed for marriages. However, passionate love is like infatuation; it is intense and exciting but it cannot be maintained.  How do you think people stay married for 30 years? It is because they had more than love. Darlyns, now you ask yourself, if love was the only thing that sustained marriages, why do people who start off with the best and enviable kind of love still end up divorced? Why do you still find people say, “I love you or I loved you” after a separation? Because the love they had which could be as true as any other type of love couldn’t keep them together.

When your spouse irritates you and at that moment, it feels like you cannot process the love, the feeling that would help you go through that phase is tolerance; nobody is perfect and to an extent, we all tolerate each other. When you argue and something helps you to be quiet and let go of your ego, it is maturity; it has nothing to do with love. It is because you are mature enough to understand that your marriage means more than the argument. How else do strangers who were close to beating each other stop? Because one person was mature enough to realize it is not worth the stress not because the strangers were in love with each other.

While love might be a necessity in marriages, love alone cannot keep the marriage. You have to think of how compatible you are. You cannot decide that two people with AS should get married simply because they love each other. My darlyns, the future, that is, the offspring would pay the price. And while miracles do happen, do you want to wake up every morning thinking of how you would take your child to the hospital? You cannot seriously believe that since you and your partner love each other, everything would fall into place; it is more than that.

Love will stay and grow when there is trust. Can distrust diminish love? Yes. This is because the absence of trust in a marriage or relationship will lead to several questions that might end up breaking the marriage. “I am sure he is sleeping with that his secretary, why should I even bother” when there is distrust, it is either the spouse withdraws or constant arguments lead to the end of the marriage. Also, asides the trust, commitment keeps the marriage. Why is it that people tend to say they love their spouse and still cheat on them? Because they do not know what it means to be committed. It is more than just the “I love you”; it is working to be committed in your marriage to keep your marriage.

My darlyns, love isn’t all there is to marriage; beside love is trust, communication, respect, selflessness, commitment, loyalty, understanding, maturity and so on.

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