Cutting Clear Lines

However darlyns, this is not to say that you should not have friends, this is just to say that your association should not be one that will influence you and your marriage wrongly and constantly have it at the back of your mind that they, no matter how close you are, constitute the third party.

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My darlyns, to begin with, everyone outside your immediate family belongs to the clique of third parties. Of which, the importance of learning to create a clear boundary and draw a line between your family and the third party cannot be overemphasized. For the sake of clarity, the people that belong to the clique of third party includes: friend, relatives, parents, in-laws, and most especially, the exes. This article will basically walk couples and aspiring couples through the reasons why these people are regarded to as third party and reasons to draw the line.

Darlyns, imagine you as a married person has a friend that you met way before marriage and as fate would have it, both of you are now married to your respective spouses. Now, because you guys have been friends for a while, sentiments come in so it becomes difficult to let go of the friendship. Because they are your friends, you listen to them, you believe everything they have to say and you also go to them for advice. In marriage, my darlyns, certain issues are quite inevitable; don’t let anyone fool you. Not everything is the way they seem but because you are not so sure yourself, you go ahead to tell your friends and the next thing they say is,

“Ahhh, my husband wouldn’t do that to me, he dare not! My wife wouldn’t even think about talking to me like that, otherwise I will show her pepper…”

It is pathetic how at that moment, you decide that the sense God has given you wouldn’t be enough to run your home and so you begin to show your spouse “pepper” because you think that is what your friends are doing. The sad part is that this happens a lot in homes and homes have been broken because of this.

Also, the situation of having a single friend not knowing her limit or boundary is almost worst. Imagine having a friend who has the ability to influence you telling you a married person to go to club with him/her, spend the night outside or do certain immoral things and perhaps even make you feel bad for getting married? However darlyns, this is not to say that you should not have friends, this is just to say that your association should not be one that will influence you and your marriage wrongly and constantly have it at the back of your mind that they, no matter how close you are, constitute the third party.

Also, your relatives including your parents are also members of the third party. Your parents will definitely feel entitled and experienced – after all, you are their child. The interesting part is that no one will tell you to stop talking to your parents because you are married and more often than not, when your parents offer advice to you, they have your best interest at heart. Now the important thing in dealing with your relatives is to know the limit. The advice they have might have worked for them, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for you. Family members are always quick to support their own people – even to a fault sometimes. I remember someone telling me that if you want someone to remind you that you have another person, tell your mom what the person did to you…while you might have forgotten, your mum will still be warning you about them. It is the same with marriages: if you keep going to your relatives after every quarrel, they will begin to hold grudges against your spouse and that is not a good thing.

The cases of in-laws my darlyns can be quite sensitive. Because your in-laws are your spouses’ family and you have to be sensitive while dealing with them. Like your relatives, they will also feel they know a lot of things, and without doubt, they do. However, it is your job to be careful and filter the information you get.

For the cases of dealing with exes, my darlyns, I am sure it is no news how it is totally irrelevant and uncalled for to deal or still retain relationships with exes after marriage.

After all is said and done darlyns, the ability to create the boundary remains in your hands. This is why marriage is for the mature ones because the cross is yours to bear and the ability to show love to your people and not be isolated while creating the boundary is in your hands.

If you have more questions and how you should sort issues with your exes or family and how you should create boundaries in different cases, don’t forget to book a session today  with the renowned marriage and relationship expert, Wittysally. 

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